A little story told by William in the common dining hall.
dog chow
Yesterday I was at the Whole Foods Market just east of Central Park buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for that little rascal, Arthur , the Wonder Raccoon and was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think I had… an elephant?  
On a silly impulse, I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again.
I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the  hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.  I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and that the way that it works is, to load your pants pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry.  The food is nutritionally complete, (certified), so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)
Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I had stopped to pee on a fire hydrant and a car hit me.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.

Whole Foods Market won't let me shop there anymore.
So you better watch what you ask old people. We have all the time in the world to think of crazy things to say.
Needless to say, Father, sitting at a near by table, was completely speechless.

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